I am pretty sure I am a bad feminist because all I want is a baby.  Seriously.  That’s it.  All I want in the world is to be a mommy.  I know there are other things I have to do to get to that point, but what I want is a baby.  A mommy is the only thing I have ever consistently wanted to be since I was a little girl. 

It was comical how much I wanted babies as a kid.  My grandma’s allergist who I haven’t seen since I was like nine still remembers that I used to say I wanted a hundred babies.  Oh, and if you said my dolls weren’t babies, I would freak out and sometimes cry. 

All I want right now is a baby.  Of course, Josh (my husband!!!) and I know that having a baby in a one-bedroom duplex is kind of out of the question right now.  Especially because we’re still worrying about having enough money for groceries.  Our goal for savings is having enough money that we can have a baby in two or three years.  That is our goal. 

I feel so lucky to have found someone who wants a baby just as much as I do.  He’s so sweet, and I know he’s going to be a great daddy.  I just wonder if I’m the only girl who has these kinds of ridiculous maternal inklings.  It’s not something I really hear a whole lot about.  I’m really curious.  Send responses to sugarplumfairy68@gmail.com. 

Are we less maternal as a culture than we used to be?  Or does it happen later in life now?  Or is it just something we’re too ashamed to admit a lot of the time?

I’m currently looking for a job and have been looking on monster, careerbuilder, and even craigslist.  I know craigslist is sometimes used by scam artists, but I know smaller companies often used it because posting is cheap.  Well, evidently it is also used by perverts. 

I sent my resume to an ad asking for a personal assistant and asked for more information about the job.  I thought the person posting the ad wanted someone to photocopy, fax, and run errands.  The poster had said they would like someone who could cook, but that seemed fine as I like to cook.  He asked for someone friendly, which is normal.  Well, here’s what I received in response to my emailed resume:

Now, once that you’ve gotten past the awful punctuation, the repeats, and the spelling errors, I’m sure you’re appalled.  Seriously.  Seriously?  He wants me to come into his house at any time and give him massages and “anything else.”  I’m pretty sure that counts as prostitution, yes?  And for $10 an hour?  I’m not trying to sound conceited, but if I wanted to be a hooker, I’m pretty sure I could get more than $10 an hour.  If I sent him a resume detailing my job history, why is he asking me to come to his house with a mini-skirt and no panties!?!  I am appalled and disgusted.  Who does that?  There’s a whole other section for adult gigs, so why did he post that on the actual job page?  I’m really hoping it was just some jerkface pulling a practical joke, but something tells me it was serious.  Maybe it’s my lack of faith in humanity…

My Confession

I am not a good feminist, and quite frankly, I don’t know if anyone really is.  My vision of a perfect feminist is pretty unattainable.  She or he (because men can and should be feminists too!) is totally comfortable in her/his skin, is in a perfect relationship, thinks before she/he says insensitive things, actually does something to promote gender equality, and NEVER EVER consumes negative pop culture.  I am a far cry from the oh-so-saintly feminist of my dreams, but I’m trying the best I can. 

reasons I consider myself a “bad feminist”
1. I like to play Daisy Homemaker.  I love to bake, and the one thing I want more than anything in the world is to have babies.  Yes, I really just admitted that my biggest life goal is to be a mommy, and I’ve spent a long time being ashamed of that.
2. I “slut-shame” people who make decisions about their bodies that I don’t agree with. 
3. Sometimes (OK—pretty often) I judge people based on their appearances.
4. I have a tendency of assuming that girls, guys, and feminists are supposed to act in certain ways and otherwise they are not feminine, not masculine, or not feminist enough.
5. I love listening to pop and country music, which is usually subtly sexist at the least and outright misogynistic at its worst. 
6. I am hung up on my appearance.  I constantly think I’m not good enough and have gotten plastic surgery to fix things I don’t like.
7. My boyfriend and I argue, and sometimes I am not as nice to him as I should be. 
8. I don’t protest for women’s rights.  I don’t mentor at-risk girls.  I don’t DO anything to support my ideas. 
9. I lost my virginity when I wasn’t ready because I felt like that was what I was expected to do.
10. I am a sexist.  Really and truly, I am sometimes.  Usually unintentionally, which is worse.  I will document more reasons later.

Now you’re probably wondering why I’m writing a post about feminism if I’m such a sexist wannabe-housewife, and it’s because I want to change my behaviors and my mind.  This blog is about my efforts to change, to understand why I act the way I do, and to express my own views on issues.  Maybe if I’m lucky, writing this will help someone other than me because I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks she’s not a good enough feminist.